I’ve never been a fan of the opening ceremony although, perversely, I subscribe to the process each time I open my emails.
It’s a ritual, a habit if you will – it is a strong coffee using beans cultivated on the thighs of virgins (or Kenco at a push) and a cold bottle of water as I peruse the junk that has come in overnight promising me a million Nigerian dollars if I click on the link, or a slow and painful death if I don’t.
My ritual however pales into significance with the showboating of an event opening, in particular the recent Olympic opener which looks like a kindergarten crew planned it less than ably assisted by some revolutionary trans rights activists.
It was barely watchable on the Beeb with the commentary as they spat out factoids such as ‘the highest point in the entire Maldives is 5 metres high’ as we watched sportspeople, of whom we had no clue, waving flags manically as they milked their 15 minutes, and who could blame them.
But then, as the flotilla meandered through the Seine sewage, it was as if someone had spiked the organisers' drinks with some industrial-strength LSD.
We were suddenly, inextricably greeted with a transexual fashion show on a makeshift catwalk on a bridge as men with wigs and high heels left little to the imagination as they paraded around a few feet in front of some poor French kids who no doubt now require trauma counselling.
One guy, dressed as a poor man’s Richard O’ Brien in the rocky horror picture show ‘accidentally’ let one of his boys pop out of the barracks as the world looked on, aghast, in an Alan Partridge-esque style and wondered if this was what the Greeks had in mind when they devised the original Olympic concept all those generations ago.
It left me open-jawed, as it did countless others around the world, as we asked what does this have to do with sport? Or the Olympics?
It wasn’t inclusive or inspirational, but gobsmackingly pretentious and seedy and, well, I turned it over as I did not want my 12-year-old daughter to witness such depravity in what should have been a celebration and festival of sport.
I will continue with my email opening ritual, and I suggest the French take a leaf out of my book by keeping it simple.
Just by bandying words such as ‘diversity’ about with wanton abandon, does not make it so, as they force over-sexualised visions on the masses.
It is not what this or any opening ceremony should be like, and I for one, sadly, boycotted most of this charade because of it!
- Brett Ellis is a teacher.
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