This man turned lockdown boredom into internet fame with one household item

Many are content in their own skin and it doesn't bother us overly being home with me, myself, and I (along with t’wife and kids, if applicable). Yes, there have certainly been lockdown moment where the bairns have had a bit of a whinge of ‘I’m bored’ and they are getting sick of my ‘only boring people get bored’ retort, which results in eye rolling and obstinacy.

I write, my wife does arty stuff and watches programmes involving odd looking men in overalls who cry a lot and have a fetish for clay. We get our daily bike ride or walk in, and are thankful for the opportunity to be surround by greenery if the tension inside Chateau Ellis gets a little too hot to handle.

The difficulty for many is the lack of a definitive end date. If we were told that we would be out of lockdown on, say March 2, 2021, then we could plan what to do with our time, even though we may be dragging one-day tasks out over a week. No doubt the warning to go back to school for example, will come but a few days before and I will be bemoaning the fact that I never quite got around to creosoting the shed or jet washing the patio.

My initial boredom relief task was clearing out the attic. I got about five per cent of the way through and then was left with a ton of papers to burn (I phoned my neighbour first this time after smoking out his double duvet set drying on the line a short time ago). The non-flammables, I safely seconded to the side of the house, yet my plan to go to the refuse centre was soon scuppered when they shut, indefinitely, the following day, leaving many of us with front yards that resemble a Tracey Emin artscape.

Searching for tasks with which to fill the long drawn out days, I know of one man, an otherwise intelligent professional, who has endeavoured to clean his oven out every day. He will now no doubt be tasting Mr Muscle-flavoured fish fingers until his dying days.

Some have taken up crochet, knitting or learnt a new skill that has been on the to do list for many a day and for that we can be thankful for Amazon Prime. I purchased a transparent lock and lock-picking guide as I taught myself a new skill that will no doubt never be used. I can only dream of the day a neighbour locks themselves out of the house before I ride to the rescue and then act all coy as I lead them into believing I learnt said talent during MI5 training school, which of course I am not at liberty to talk about.

There should be no excuse, come post lockdown Freedom Day, for us, when rejoicing in the streets and giving our neighbour a hug, to surprise them. Maybe I will wish the fella outside of Co-op ‘myttin da’, (a Cornish ‘good morning’ to the layman) or partake in a bit of the Welsh language once I manage to finally learn the art of rolling my tongue and calling everyone bud, or but I’m never quite sure which.

A large number have suddenly relinquished 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzles from garage storage as they while away the hours constructing a landscape which will fail to impress visitors when they finally complete it in four months’ time. I feel a sadness when seeing a completed puzzle. I pity someone having that much time on their hands that that seems to be the best, nay, only option, and I want to give them a consolatory pat on the back to let them know it will be alright despite knowing it won’t be.

Occasionally however you spot a spark of genius. An old school friend, Andy Joyce, has won the internet with his boredom killer: Carpet Art. His wife, whilst working as a key worker, has left him alone at home with the kids, all who are old enough to access tech devices, thus making his job as a father semi redundant. He therefore took the Hoover and ensured the fibres were uniform before constructing cityscapes, the Mona Lisa, The Joker, John Lennon, and several other works of art. On his hands and knees, he uses a hairbrush and spatula in order to impress his wife upon her return home.

Now that is dedication to the boredom cause and I for one doff my hat to his eccentricity. So, it’s pretty clear, if bored, and I mean really bored, drag Henry out from under the stairs and grab a hold of the nearest tangle teaser. You may find a new passion to while away the hours and if not, at least the carpets will be as clean as the day they were laid…

• Brett Ellis is a teacher